To pick up where we left off yesterday, I understand the disappointment at not being able to spend holidays exactly the way you may have preferred, but I’d like to say a few words in support of the solo Thanksgiving [or substitute major holiday of your choice here if you don’t ever do anything for Thanksgiving]. 

But before I get there, I need to express something that’s been bugging me. People are saying they are doing Thanksgiving alone, but then you scratch the surface and learn they are including their husband and young children. That’s not alone. That’s with one’s immediate family. I’m not a therapist or about to address what is behind someone claiming they are alone in that situation, but right now, I’m thinking of those living without roommates of any human variety — related or not. Still, much of what I’m going to say can apply to those pseudo alone folks too.

It comes down to learning how to enjoy your own company. Once you can do that, then everything else is a bonus, not a requirement. 

If you’re someone who won’t go to a park, restaurant, or a movie alone, try it (the best way that can be done safely with COVID restrictions, which might exclude everything but the park for now, and that’s fine). 

Go to the art museum by your own self. Push yourself, but also allow for small steps. Maybe you plan to go through at least one gallery, and then if you are still very uncomfortable, you can leave. Go with a goal, an assignment you give yourself. This means focusing on answering a question  instead of obsessing over your insecurities. For instance, if going to an art museum, maybe your goal is to find the most opaque and pretentious wall label. 

[Are museums safe right now? Look at their respective websites to see if their precautions are actually useful or are more performative. Call in advance if you have questions. Go on a weekday rather than a weekend — it’s unlikely you’ll be encountering field trip groups any time soon.]

Take a book and go read in the park. Feeling self-conscious? Perhaps choose a park that doesn’t have quite a see-and-be-seen atmosphere. Pope Park and Goodwin Park are great for that. The less likely you are to encounter a wedding photo shoot in a place, the more likely it is a place where you can feel anonymous.  

Take a long walk or go on a bike ride. I prefer the cooler months for both because once you get moving, you can be at a comfortable temperature. Keney Park is gorgeous year-round and offers pretty much everything — pond, woods, meadows, streams, horses.

I understand many readers have been told, especially if female, that they should have a partner for these activities. I’ve written about this idea extensively and don’t feel like adding anything to that here, but I will say that the majority of photos you see on Real Hartford were taken when I was walking by myself.

It might help to create a scavenger hunt for yourself, as with the art museum. I know someone who takes pics of what she encounters along a color scheme determined by her outfit that day. Maybe you want to find handcrafted lawn signs. Maybe you want to earn a million civic engagement points by reporting issues to 311. Going a certain number of steps is motivating to some, but I like to measure my success by finding coffee and pastries.

Get a hobby.

Get five.

You don’t have to be good at any of them. Certain fiber crafts are great for this because you can “undo” the damage without wasting materials, at least for awhile. 

Do a search for “pandemic hobbies” and you’ll find quite a few listicles that will get you started. It is not required that you bake sourdough bread.

The aim is to give yourself an enjoyable way to spend time that does not rely on other people to be present.

Nobody is here to entertain you.

Certain hobbies are hopeful, like learning French with the expectation that it will again be (more or less) safe to travel to Paris and sit on a crowded patio eating croissant.

Make yourself a list of possible things to do in your time “off” so you don’t find yourself alone and wondering how you will ever fill your time. Some people do fine with lazy, unscheduled days. Others do not. 

Look for classes, talks, and other events you can attend virtually. While there is such a thing as Zoom-overload, there’s also something fantastic about being able to participate in events that are happening three timezones away without needing a plane ticket. If the event is a dud, just click the “LEAVE MEETING” button and be done with it. 

Many virtual events are free. If it’s distracting to stare at yourself, turn off your video and stay muted. Even in participatory ones (not work related) I have done this, turning those functions back on when actively participating, then off again.

Think beyond yourself. There are many ways to volunteer, and you can do so with having little or no face-to-face contact. 

A few ways to volunteer that require no coordination or interaction with others: drop off canned goods at your nearest Little Free Pantry, do the same with books at a Little Free Library; grab a couple of bags, a pair of latex gloves, and pick up litter in a park or cemetery. 

Local organizations have used volunteers to sort seeds, create care packages, and so forth — all work that can be done independently or with minimal other people present. While we tend to think that volunteering time in November and December equates to ladling out food in a soup kitchen, there are numerous other possibilities.

Come back tomorrow for more tips on thriving during a solo holiday season, and remember, if you’re living in a city, you’re never alone.