I devised a system for myself before I ever voted to determine who I would be willing to vote for. I’ll admit to not using it for local candidates or in smaller elections, only in presidential elections. It goes like this:

How would this candidate be in a relationship?

It sounds shallow, but it’s not.

The ideal candidate would be someone who shares my values, who is not afraid to be unpopular if it means being morally right, and who respects me. He (or she) would be willing and able to communicate. He would definitely be a good listener, who is also considerate of my own struggles. He would have to be reliable and have many people who could vouch for his authenticity. He should be creative, innovative. He can’t mince words.

So, someone might be attractive–physically or otherwise–but not make for a good relationship. Maybe he’s a charmer. He knows exactly what to say and when. He’s smooth. Okay, that’s more like a one-night stand than a long term relationship if he does not have substance. Right now, I think that a lot of people are crushing on Mr. Smooth, and are so distracted by his stark contrast to the soon-to-be ex that they are not demanding he have stronger, more carefully outlined, plans. What I’ve learned from relationships is to not let myself be stringed along by The Nice Person.

Someone could be a raving lunatic whose bursts of enthusiasm are conflated with emotion/patriotism. He’s the kind of person who ends up being a stalker or talking behind your back when things begin to sour. He might describe himself as unique, and would go out of his way to do so. Deep down, actually, not even that deep down, he’s only a more coherent version of the others that Americans have been going steady with.

Of course, there are others, but because they are not so polished, shiny, and popular, they are essentially ignored. But as we learn years after graduating high school, sometimes those nerds that nobody wants to talk to are right on the mark. They can even be cleaned up and put into nice suits.

Getting involved with someone simply because everyone insists you should is not the smartest move. “Oh, you two will hit it off,” “You’ll just love him,” “He’s so different from the others.” You should ask for solid reasons. You should demand background checks. Check out his past dating record. After all, you’re going to be the one stuck with him. You should at least know what it is you are signing on for.